i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
