I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
