Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
