So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
