So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
