My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
