My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
