booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize