You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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