Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
