I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Holy sore nipples Batman
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
