I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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