I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
