Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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