I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
porn star boner night. come get it.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
