Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
