its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
