she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
