We won't sleep together?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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