our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
