As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
