whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
and she was petting her beer can
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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