I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
