Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
