Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
