We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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