FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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