I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
