After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
