just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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