i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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