Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
