Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
