i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
