I just pynch a tree in the face
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I enjoy the company of your penis
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