a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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