Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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