Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
