I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
