Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
