All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He literally asked permission to hit on me
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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