Can i not drive my cunt home
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
