I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
