Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
