best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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