Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
