he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
