but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
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