well I can't set my house on fire every night
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
