Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
