I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
