he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
