i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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