im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
